Wednesday, August 31, 2011

the moment we're born, we start dying.


"So you want to kill yourself? Because no one cares about you. Your family hates you. Right? No. Your parents walking in your room in the morning to only find a dead body. They’ll try their hardest to not think negative, and to just think that you’re fooling around. Then they’ll start shaking you. Why aren’t you breathing? They’ll be broken. Tears. Many tears. More tears than you ever shed. Was it them? Were they the reason you did this? More tears. Pain. Every day. Every night. Every single second of every day. Guilt. More guilt. What about your bestfriends? They’re not going to care. Right? No. What’s the first thing that will go through their mind when your principal comes in and tells the class that you’re not alive. While your bestfriend sits there in tears. That girl that you’d smile at but never talk to? She’s now crying. The boy who used to kick you under the table just to annoy you? He’ll be shocked. He’ll be devastated. He’ll blame himself. What about your teacher? Thoughts crossing her mind. She’ll question if you did it because she didn’t make school comfortable enough for you. Pain. Devastation. All in one. Who organises your funeral? Who has to go through your stuff? Clothes? Notes? Those few older girls who used to give you daggers at school? They’ll feel regret. They’ll blame themselves. See, if you killed yourself today, you’ll never know what might of happened tomorrow. You’ll never know because you’re dead. Plain dead. Not breathing. Not alive. Just dead. Your family hates themselves for it. Your bestfriend then falls into depression. Tears. Tears. More tears than a river. All because you killed yourself because you thought noone would care. Right? You are loved. By many. Someone right now is thinking of you. And right now, I’m thinking about anyone who has thought or is considering suicide. You are beautiful. No matter if you’re black, white, homo-sexual, tall, short, overweight or anorexic. You are beautiful. You want to kill yourself? Think about it first. There’s no coming back. And I promise, if you do it, you are not only hurting yourself, you are hurting many. You are creating more tears than you led yourself to. You are making everyone miserable and making them all feel guilt and pain. Never will they feel whole like they used to when they had you. You are beautiful. And you are never ever alone."

so i  found this little writing when i was browsing through my dashboard on tumblr.
i want this to be a message for everybody out there, even if it's already circulating online.
reading this made me tear up.
i absorbed each word, each letter, each punctuation mark.

i've been called weak, fat, gigantic, weird, annoying, addict, ugly, asian, and more to my face.
most of the time i let these "insults" get to me.
i let myself drown in each word.
and then i end up saying or doing things i know i would regret in the future.

there's been times when things got so desperate that all i wanted is for everything to just.. end.
but then i thought better of it.
i still have people to meet, hearts to mend, sunsets to see.
i don't know what my life has planned out for me.
the events of the past couple days could easily fit into the "desperate" category.

but all that is over now.

here's to a stronger me.
here's to a better me.
here's to the person i've always wanted to be.

2 comments:

  1. I agree you should not let anyone bring you down or make you feel insecure or upset

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