i hadn't picked up the camera in the past week.
i walked. i spoke to myself. soothed myself. told myself everything would turn out to be completely fine in no time.
i remember doing the very thing when i was back in shanghai. feeling small and meaningless among the gigantic buildings and lights and the cars whizzing by. today was strangely different.
there were no tall buildings. there were no sirens or loud car honks. there were no loud chinese people hauling taxis. it was just me, the breeze, and the shutter sound of my camera.
it felt nice.
the quite of my neighborhood helped me think through everything. all i've done. all i could do. all i want to do. and even if this doesn't make sense to you, it does to me.
if i had my way i'd be outside right now lying down flat on the itchy grass feeling the soft drizzle fall against my skin. if i had my way i'd still be in shanghai. if i had my way..
... i'd be a completely different person.